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Thread: Jokes & Funnies

  1. #21
    Join Date
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    Quote Originally Posted by justincredible View Post
    Probably just a dirty screen Jay.
    If I get the lap top out to view on a proper screen it had better be worth it!

  2. #22
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    Trust me it will. Even better if there's some flowers in the room, look at them after you do it.
    It`s Better To Reign In Hell, Than Serve In Heaven!

  3. #23
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    I'm glad the Sahara dust is arriving in Manchester tomorrow. It'll be nice to breathe fresher air for a change.

  4. #24
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    It`s Better To Reign In Hell, Than Serve In Heaven!

  5. #25
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    A man is working on the buses in the US collecting tickets.

    He rings the bell for the driver to set off when there's a woman half getting on the bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus and is killed. At the trial the man is sent down for murder and seeing as it's Texas he's sent to the electric chair. On the day of his execution he's sat in the chair and the executioner grants him a final wish.

    "Well" says the man, "is that your packed lunch over there?" "Yes" answers the executioner. "Can I have that green banana?"

    The executioner gives the man his green banana and waits till he's eaten it. When the man's finished, the executioner flips the switch sending hundreds of thousands of volts through the man. When the smoke clears the man is still alive. The executioner can't believe it.

    "Can I go?" the man asks. "I suppose so" says the executioner, "that's never happened before."

    The man leaves and eventually gets a job back on the buses selling tickets. Again he rings the bell for the driver to go when people are still getting on. A man falls under the wheels and is killed. The bloke is sent down for murder again and sent to the electric chair. The executioner is determined to do it right this time so rigs the chair up to the electric supply for the whole of Texas.

    The bloke is again sat in the chair. "What is your final wish?" asks the executioner. "Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch ?" says the condemned man. The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his banana. The bloke eats the banana all up and the executioner flips the switch. Millions of volts course through the chair blacking out Texas. When the smoke clears the man is still sat there smiling in the
    chair. The executioner can't believe it and lets the man go.

    Well, would you believe, the bloke gets his job back on the buses. Once again he rings the bell whilst passengers are still getting on, this
    time killing three of them. He is sent to the electric chair again. The executioner rigs up all United States electricity supply to The chair, determined to get his man this time. The man sits down in the chair smiling.

    "What's your final wish ?" asks the executioner. "Well" says the man, "Can I have that green banana out of your packed lunch.?" The executioner hands over his banana and the man eats it all, skin included. The executioner pulls the handle and a brazillion volts go through the chair. When the smoke rises the man is still sat there alive without even a burn mark.

    "I give up" says the executioner, "I don't understand how you
    can still be alive after all that?". He stroked his chin. "It's something to do with that green banana isn't it?" he asked.

    Nahh," said the bloke,

    "I'm just a really bad conductor."
    It`s Better To Reign In Hell, Than Serve In Heaven!

  6. #26
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    Wait for it.......




    I like the way he went back to pick up his cap off the bóthar...... priorities, right?
    Last edited by justincredible; 11th April 2014 at 11:23 PM.
    It`s Better To Reign In Hell, Than Serve In Heaven!

  7. #27
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    It`s Better To Reign In Hell, Than Serve In Heaven!

  8. #28
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    It`s Better To Reign In Hell, Than Serve In Heaven!

  9. #29
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    It`s Better To Reign In Hell, Than Serve In Heaven!

  10. #30
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    It`s Better To Reign In Hell, Than Serve In Heaven!

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