15 April 2008: 'Being There'

[PhilScraton]

Tuesday 15 April 2008, the 19th anniversary was yet another remarkable turn-out at Anfield. There has been some discussion about the Memorial Service, why people who are neither bereaved nor survivors attend ... why others stay away. A few thoughts ...

Each person who attends the Memorial and the many thousands who are there in their minds has her/his personal reason for going or not. Surely there is no right or wrong in this. Wherever people are on the day those who have lost loved ones or who survived the trauma of Hillsborough, its appalling immediate aftermath and the deep injustices that followed endure the pain, suffering and grief of an avoidable disaster compounded by the measured, deliberate and cynical cover-up that followed.

Families, be they bereaved or survivors, are divided on going to Anfield. For some it is too much to bear, others simply want to be alone with their memories and others are not well enough to make the journey. The Club makes an effort and the players attend the service but not the reception. I feel that's the least those directly associated with the Club might do. It lays down a marker - that the Club at all levels, especially the owners, will and should remain committed to the memory of those who died and survived. This is not about football but about respect.

I go to the Memorial each year because through Hillsborough I have made many friends and it provides an opportunity to come together and show solidarity. On Tuesday as each candle was lit and the names respectfully read out for the nineteenth time my thoughts were with those around me on the Kop, those at home and the dreadful damage that Hillsborough has caused - and continues to cause - in the lives and relationships of so many people. Since Hillsborough mothers, fathers, sons, daughters and other relatives have died prematurely. Others are ill or have aged before their years. Whatever the expressions of support we know that loved ones cannot be brought back, that the bereaved and survivors cannot return to the life they had before 15 April 1989.

Phil Hammond, breaking down in his closing speech as he recalled the recent loss of a friend who had become a really significant support for his family as well as the HFSG, remained generous in his words of solidarity with the Omagh families in Northern Ireland. He reminded us of how Blues and Reds were brought together over the tragic loss of Rhys Jones. This isolates the embittered, vicious and hateful individuals who continue to blight football with their narrow-minded bigotry.

When TV pop-psychologists talk of 'closure' in these situations it brings home how little they understand of loss, of trauma and of recovery. Of course people live their lives and present a public face to the world but they can never have 'closure' in the sense of being free from their grief. It is remarkable just how resistant and resilient the bereaved and survivors of Hillsborough have been. But their strength, individually and collectively, should never be mis-represented as 'closure'.

'Being there' for me is simply an expression of support and friendship to people who I wished I had never met in such circumstances. I never knew those who died but I know many who loved them dearly. I never knew most survivors before Hillsborough but have met and corresponded with many since. From talking regularly to families and survivors it is reassuring to hear that many draw some strength from the Memorial and the collective responses of warmth and resistance.

There or not, we are united in acknowledging those who died, the bereaved, the survivors and their families.

With love and respect, Phil and Family.

[hindsy]

Good post that lad..

Myself ... I was at Hillsborough 19 years ago... carried dead bodies out on advertising boards, later I had to go under the stand into Sheff Weds' Gym - which was a make shift morgue, cos one of ours was missing, me and a mate looked at all the different bodies, not nice I can tell you, but luckily if you can call anything lucky that day, we didn't find my mate, he'd been pulled up into the stand at the Leppings Lane end and thats why we couldn't find him.
Now I went to Anfield and queued to see all the flowers and tributes laid just after the event, went to Celtic v Liverpool on the sunday for our game up there which they arranged, 60.000 attended that.
I've been back to Hillsborough a few times to watch us play there since.. but last week was the first time I'd attended either Hillsborough or Anfield on the anniversary itself, and that was pure co-incidence on the 92 car dash.
I don't know what it is - maybe it brings too many memory's back of the day or something, but I've never done a service at anfield or anything.
I don't think I will either.
I guess thats just my personal choice, nothing to do with not wanting to or anything, just don't think i'll be going. Fair play to those who do go and keep the flame burning so to speak.

[PhilScraton]

Thanks Hindsy for taking the time to share your thoughts and dreadful memories with us. It was people like you who did so much for their loved ones and for people they didn't know to help others at Hillsborough and without the fans more people would have died. That's what makes it worse that the likes of Mackenzie, Thatcher, Wright, Ingham, Clough and the rest turned on the very people who not only went through the horror of the tragedy but also selflessly saved lives. It's brilliant that you wrote ... thanks so much ... and that seems so inadequate. Phil.

[hindsy]

No problem Phil, was a good piece you wrote - sort of stirred a few memories- not all bad - the locals were superb with us.. everyone aimlessley walking round the ground afterwards - one old lady came out to us and asked if we'd like to use the bathroom to freshen up and make a phone call home... I rang my Mum and passed her 10 other names - as well as saying my brother was ok too .. she did the rest - rang everyone's family's -let them know..

We always went to the same pub ... even called in on way back from Norwich etc.. it was in High Green and was called The Salutation, the landlord "Butch" and his Missus Maureen.. always made us welcome and usually we had a lock in and stayed over on the couches in the pub, that night the locals were no different, we'd made our way back to the place and sat accepting everyon'e condolonces, when the younger one's said we should go down the "white hart" for a couple before heading back on our way home.. we walked the 300 yards or so to the pub... sat having a beer when about 20 lads starting mouthing off... these lads were sheffield utd, and they kept on mumbling about what had happened and one of them just said "more of you should have died you scouse bastards" ......... so there it was - the blue touch paper... my mate starts arguing with them... and is smacked in the face with a glass... bedlam..... 20+ of these lads and 12 of us... pub erupted - it spills outside and because of what had happened we absolutley batter these lot... call it adrenalin / a build up of what had happened over the day... but there was lads with us who normally wouldn't say boo to a goose.. but they went mad... and the sheffield lads were properly dealt with.

The Police arrive, and one of our lads is taken to Hospital in an Ambulance to get stitched up, and the Police start asking a lot of questions.. we tell our bit ... then to our surprise all the locals say .. it's not these lads who caused it - it was the Utd lads... if they wanted to be they could have been twats with us... and blamed us.. but the locals were spot on - apart from these Sheff Utd lads.. but I wouldn't expect anything else of anyone with anything to do with that club.

All in all it was a day that no-one will ever forget ... for so many wrong reasons.. Did I mention that whilst on my way back from Liverpool to Wigan at 8am that morning, on our way to pick up the Van... I was driving under a bridge when a bus clipped my car's back end... should have known then it was gonna be a hard day.

[PhilScraton]

Thanks again Hindsy. What a story, remarkable so soon after. I guess many other survivors' experiences of the immediate aftermath have remained untold. Thanks again for sharing it. Take care, Phil