Reply With QuoteWaterford whispers is a parody of itself, it's a literal joke publicationOriginally Posted by stevie harkness
Heres its breaking news story today....
Local Woman To Give House The Once Over Before Cleaner Arrives:
ALREADY at odds with the idea of another person coming around to*tidy her house, Waterford local Margaret Gunne has reluctantly agreed to hire a professional cleaner for an hour this weekend, but not before she ‘pulls a rag around the house’ first. Leading a hectic lifestyle that involves a committed work schedule, three kids at school and all their assorted extra-curricular activities, the Gunne family decided to enlist the help of a local cleaning company to keep their home in order, with a*cleaner scheduled to arrive at 10am on Saturday morning.
However, matriarch Margaret has undertaken an intensive ‘pre-tidy’ tidy up ahead of that, in fear of mortification as to what the cleaner would think about the state of the house that she was hired to clean. “Between my wife and I, we do our best to keep the house tidy, but with the boys and our own work schedule, it can get a bit messy” explained Derek Gunne, over the sound of frantic hoovering. “Now, while I seem to be perfectly happy with a cleaner coming in and helping out, Margaret is quite frankly ‘fucking on one’. She’s spent the last two hours ‘giving the house the once over’, muttering about how she can’t let the cleaner come into the house like this.*And there’s a lot of ‘the shame’ talk coming out of her.* I tried to say leave it for whoever lands on Saturday, but she’s not to be told. At this rate, there’ll be nothing for the cleaner to do. I wonder would*they mow the lawn?”
UPDATE: The cleaner arrived to a spotless Gunne house on Saturday at 10am, then spent an hour watching telly before clocking out.
And another...
Britain On Track To Fuck Ireland Over Again.
DISREGARDING hundreds of years oppression, famine and general cruelty towards the island of Ireland, the British political establishment peeled back its maggot infested foreskin before gearing up to fuck Ireland over yet one more time.
“Which way would you like it?” prime minister Boris Johnson asked the Irish public as he unzipped his trousers and unsheathed Britain’s throbbing influence, which has actually decreased significantly in size, virility and power since the old Empire days, “I’ll have to pull out that backstop lodged right up your border first, but the lubrication will cost you more than normal as it comes from outside the EU”.
Explaining the safe word ‘prorogue’, Johnson turned to the UK’s red-haired stepson, Northern Ireland, reassuring it that everything would be alright if its stupid ginger mouth just stopped talking about laws, agreements and human rights, that would be great.
“Don’t even think about knocking on the door, trying to get out, as there will be no one there to listen for the next few weeks,” Johnson advised NI, now hiding behind the Queen’s dress, “only for Ma’am and her family here we’d have sold you back to those Irish tinkers years ago – so count your lucky blessings, Paddies”.
Implementing the closure of the British parliament in a bid to stop any interference, democracy, an unfazed Johnson took a Victorian styled candle to the Good Friday Agreement before attempting to set it alight, followed by loud cheers from his excitable party colleagues.
“Ah, it will be just like the good old days, this is for you, Maggie!” the Tories gleamed, as their soulless, beady little eyes danced to the fire’s blue flame.
(Think Trimble was taking a legal challenge against the backstop, but that seems to be below the Irish public radar)
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